23/06/2010, Wednesday
Its few minutes past mid-night, 15th June ’09. The railway station at Nagpur is quiet; no train has arrived or departed recently. The hawkers were yawning with smugness; the only sound audible was of various nocturnal creatures including some humans. I could actually hear the silence. It echoed. If you happen to be an orange, Nagpur is the best place to stay. You can always smell one in the surrounding. Even the announcement lady seems to have slept. The foul smell of rotting garbage at railway tracks suggested that cleanliness is more important, when godliness is unlikely. The very thought of missing the train was haunting otherwise I would have gone inside the waiting room and slept.
Train was at right time, got the berth after some negotiation with T.T. Q was in the AC compartment and I was more than just excited to meet her. I switched towards my coach, chained into the train, rushed on the lights, ran the luggage and jumped towards A.C compartments. To my dismay the shutters were down and I had to wait till morning. It’s like ripe guava hanging on the tree and you can’t eat it because it’s on the other side of your wall. I messaged my berth and coach number to her and slept peacefully as if nothing else can go wrong. It was like 5 am when someone disturbed my sleep. I was in a semi-conscious state and I couldn’t believe that it was her; so I continued sleeping believing it to be an illusion. It was then, when she hit on my legs, I got up.
While having morning tea it seemed as if only a day before we were sitting at the corner of our college gate gossiping and teasing each other. The interval of 15 days which felt like 15 months few minutes ago was reduced to 15 minutes. I don’t remember for how long we talked and gossiped and teased each other, the only thing I remember is holding her hands. I held her hands even after they turned sweaty. It's so easy, to think about it, to talk about it, to wish for it, but it's not always easy, to recognize it, even when we hold it.... In our hands.
Our discussions included random stuff mainly news and gossips of the college. I know it’s very mean especially when the topic of discussion includes heartbreak and break-ups but, I accept that I enjoyed it. Okay, i'll give you a sample:
Me: Hey, You remember “R”, girl from the class next to us?
Q: Yeah, of course I know her. Now, don’t tell me she ditched “A” and is currently roaming around with his friend “B”. That’s old news baby. Tell me something new. Are “A” and “B” still friends?
Me: Gosh! You know details even better than me. Well, both “A” and “B” are now best enemies and trying to find some way to quarrel.
Q: You know what? That “R” is really enjoying the situation and don’t tell anyone that I told you this but, “R” is dating another guy at her home-town also. They talk all the time on cell phone at nights and when her BF (temporarily “A”) calls her she tells him that she’d been talking to her brother. I pity “A”,poor chap..Huh..
Q: You know “Who dumped whom”? Blah blah blah….
Q: You know “Which guy she’s dating" or "How he managed to get away with her MMS”? Blah blah blah….
I just kept listening to those similar cases and shared few more details where long-distance relationships were coming to an end. In some cases the reason was jealousy because, the partner now has a better job and pay package and some had even weird reasons. Drastic changes in 15 days itself? Reminded me that time is very powerful.
MMS outdated, news which give limelight now is dating someone BRANDED. Girls’ hastening to date the handsome HR’s whom they met at placements meanwhile trying to find an IIM or IIT pass-out. All the IEEE and IEC standards of love set inside the college boundaries violated. People struggling to increase their TRP’s like any of Ekta Kapoor’s serial. Everyone wants to seek the lime-light and become a true professional. They want change just for the sake of image make-over.
Wait, do all these things really matter? I always thought that these cheap tricks existed only in movies and politics. Now I’ve seen that everyone practice flim-flam and deception at their own level, only the degree varies. I guarantee you, there's not a single exception. There’s no self-less deed and acts of kindness. If you consider me as a cynical, so be it.
Rest of the journey passed quickly and when we reached Chennai it was too late. Closing time of girl’s hostel was 6 pm and reaching the hostel would have taken another 1.5 hours. It was already 9 pm and I wanted to take no risk by giving her any suggestion about where to go. I maintained silence on the issue and went by her decisions. What was her decision? I’m afraid you need to wait for it.. Catch my next post..
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Q's Description..
18/06/2010, Thursday
Probably 3:30 pm 14th June. I missed my train and no reservation available for next few days. Every possible routing checked, rechecked in different combinations but, of no use. I knew I’m going to get screwed for this blunder and numerous taunts will follow from various sources like different floodlights focusing on single player mid-field. I had no other option to escape the humiliation but, to start my journey as soon as possible without any reservation. I was mentally prepared for the worst possibilities. My determination to meet Q was getting stronger following the strange events and I believed that it was destiny’s higher will to test my patience and perseverance.
Somehow I managed to reach Nagpur station from Durg which is 4 hours journey through train. Pathetically middle class people surrounded me. I hated unreserved train journey, especially the long distance ones. I enquired the help-desk at Nagpur the next train towards Chennai, surprisingly it turned out to be the same train in which Q was travelling. Now, all the sequence of events seemed logical to me and I was able to connect the dots. I was on cloud nine and thanked god for all eventful incidents. Who knew, situations will turn so differently. I never imagined that things will get so complex that neither I would be able to resolve nor she. Even today if I give it a thought, everything seems unpredictable. May be someday if I’ll look behind, I might be able to reconnect these dots. I sat on the bench at station and went into a deep thought process.
Q the question in my life came when I was least expecting her. It was the last semester of my college life. I would never address her as beautiful or an angel of docility from heaven. She has an average looks and appears timid in her black specs. Nothing extraordinary about her; a woman of substance and intelligence. Always smiling and cracking jokes as if deep she knows how to transform a grieved heart burst into laughter. She has her own sense of humor and all the people surrounding her are her friends. Friend for her holds no specific definition, all the people she interacts with is her friend. Imagine the lady of justice tied with black cloth on her eyes yelling; “Everybody is equal” with the motto “Equal importance to all”. Like the breeze of air which touches you and winds away, you can feel its freshness but, you can never grab it; she is there but never yours. Infact no one would ever want to grab air. Why to chase a rainbow which has no beginning and no ends? Which can fade away as soon as rain is gone; harder you try to get closer, farther it moves away? I don’t believe in love at first sight and even if I had to pass across her hundreds of times I would have never loved her. It was never her appearance, her eyes or her nature. There is not a single reason I can find, I’m still clueless. She turned out to be the most gratifying person I have ever met. The notion of falling in love has always been the stupidest phenomenon I ever read about but, this time it had happened to me and I realized it until it was too late.
Ah, this late reminds me that I’m really getting late and I need to finish my official work. Damn, this Q would never leave me alone, it’s more than a year and still the memories are fresh as if it was just yesterday; I had revived from a deep sleep. Real life is so much bitter, I want to sleep again.
Probably 3:30 pm 14th June. I missed my train and no reservation available for next few days. Every possible routing checked, rechecked in different combinations but, of no use. I knew I’m going to get screwed for this blunder and numerous taunts will follow from various sources like different floodlights focusing on single player mid-field. I had no other option to escape the humiliation but, to start my journey as soon as possible without any reservation. I was mentally prepared for the worst possibilities. My determination to meet Q was getting stronger following the strange events and I believed that it was destiny’s higher will to test my patience and perseverance.
Somehow I managed to reach Nagpur station from Durg which is 4 hours journey through train. Pathetically middle class people surrounded me. I hated unreserved train journey, especially the long distance ones. I enquired the help-desk at Nagpur the next train towards Chennai, surprisingly it turned out to be the same train in which Q was travelling. Now, all the sequence of events seemed logical to me and I was able to connect the dots. I was on cloud nine and thanked god for all eventful incidents. Who knew, situations will turn so differently. I never imagined that things will get so complex that neither I would be able to resolve nor she. Even today if I give it a thought, everything seems unpredictable. May be someday if I’ll look behind, I might be able to reconnect these dots. I sat on the bench at station and went into a deep thought process.
Q the question in my life came when I was least expecting her. It was the last semester of my college life. I would never address her as beautiful or an angel of docility from heaven. She has an average looks and appears timid in her black specs. Nothing extraordinary about her; a woman of substance and intelligence. Always smiling and cracking jokes as if deep she knows how to transform a grieved heart burst into laughter. She has her own sense of humor and all the people surrounding her are her friends. Friend for her holds no specific definition, all the people she interacts with is her friend. Imagine the lady of justice tied with black cloth on her eyes yelling; “Everybody is equal” with the motto “Equal importance to all”. Like the breeze of air which touches you and winds away, you can feel its freshness but, you can never grab it; she is there but never yours. Infact no one would ever want to grab air. Why to chase a rainbow which has no beginning and no ends? Which can fade away as soon as rain is gone; harder you try to get closer, farther it moves away? I don’t believe in love at first sight and even if I had to pass across her hundreds of times I would have never loved her. It was never her appearance, her eyes or her nature. There is not a single reason I can find, I’m still clueless. She turned out to be the most gratifying person I have ever met. The notion of falling in love has always been the stupidest phenomenon I ever read about but, this time it had happened to me and I realized it until it was too late.
Ah, this late reminds me that I’m really getting late and I need to finish my official work. Damn, this Q would never leave me alone, it’s more than a year and still the memories are fresh as if it was just yesterday; I had revived from a deep sleep. Real life is so much bitter, I want to sleep again.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Train mishap...
17/06/2010, Thursday
It was precisely 10:00 am morning last year 14th June ’09. Gosh, I never knew I have such a nice memory. Thanks to the genes I inherited. Well, I am dating back to June 14th, which is also my uncle’s birth-date (may be the reason I remember the date).
I was on a long leave after my final semester exams and life was never more pleasing than this. Engineering finished, ended up with a decent paying core job, joining date not later than 2 months and resting at home. I was contended with my life, a bit annoyed at that time as I had to travel Chennai same day at 11:30 pm for some passport formalities. The only part that excited me was Q reaching Chennai few hours later the same day I was scheduled to reach. “Q” who unknowingly became an integral part of my life.
Waking up at 10 was infact quiet earlier than my usual routine those days and the reason I was up by 10 that day was the scheduled Puja. All the close relatives were supposed to visit and I had to get ready before guests start arriving. Relatives and puja, two troubles together, one trouble was not enough while the other was inevitable. Puja with relatives instantly flashes a scene in my mind as a car struck mid-way in traffic, no way to move, smoke and dust coming from all the directions and horns honking. No escape until you are about to faint. Believe me the same happened when everyone arrived, rooms were jam-packed and nowhere to sit. Outside it was the sun which was showing its brilliance, challenging everyone and teasing “I know what you did last summer”. Damn, even worse were the fumes of oil coming from the kitchen, I guess it was pooris. There was no escape and I had nothing else to do rather than listening to ear-piercing gossips or to get into deep thoughts. I chose the latter. I got nostalgic and was thinking about Q, imagining how things were in Q’s presence.
Pundit has already started his chants and kids playing various games in the background on the score of desert coolers. I don’t think I need to describe the time period in which puja and other rituals took place, a glimpse of students sitting inside a classroom where history is being taught is sufficient to describe the scenario. The worst part isn’t over yet, it created a mini stampede (I would rather call it as stamp-feet), when the pundit called everyone for “havan”. The oil-fumes from pooris were not enough I guess. The smoke from havan filled the room making everyone cough; I’m still doubt how a mist of carbon and its dangerous compounds can be considered sacred. Finally, it was the time for “Aarti”, all the ladies sang a hymn, gents tried to sing while children confused whom to imitate, all ended up in an ultimate chaos. At the end of all the discomfort I had, it was the first time I committed myself to god. I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love. Anyways, all is well what ends well. A thought prevailed “Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?”. Whatever, it was time for lunch, the moment not only me but, everyone were waiting since morning. I ate with a bunch of people but, still alone; Q was missing.
Although tired, I felt bit relieved and relaxed after I had delicious and heavy supper. Time passed by and clock ticked 3 pm. I had already procrastinated printing my tickets and had to finish off my packing as well. I went to a cyber café nearby to get the prints and what I saw was an utter disbelief to my eyes. The departure time of train was 11:30 am instead of 11:30 pm. I was dumbstruck at that moment and literally blank faced for a minute. I gathered courage to accept the fact that it was the biggest blunder I had ever committed but, laughed at myself like anything. But, the shock wasn’t over. How the hell can I tell this at home when every relative near and distant was present? Apart from all the gags, I knew it will spoil my image and would bring a big Q mark on my common sense or whatever it may be; proper sense perhaps. I don’t know what sense it is but, definitely I flushed it that morning. Wait a minute; is it Q who made me absent-minded? I wondered why it’s trying to dominate my life. Infact Q was already controlling my life. I will never get convinced that God does not play dice. I believe God is a sadist.
It was precisely 10:00 am morning last year 14th June ’09. Gosh, I never knew I have such a nice memory. Thanks to the genes I inherited. Well, I am dating back to June 14th, which is also my uncle’s birth-date (may be the reason I remember the date).
I was on a long leave after my final semester exams and life was never more pleasing than this. Engineering finished, ended up with a decent paying core job, joining date not later than 2 months and resting at home. I was contended with my life, a bit annoyed at that time as I had to travel Chennai same day at 11:30 pm for some passport formalities. The only part that excited me was Q reaching Chennai few hours later the same day I was scheduled to reach. “Q” who unknowingly became an integral part of my life.
Waking up at 10 was infact quiet earlier than my usual routine those days and the reason I was up by 10 that day was the scheduled Puja. All the close relatives were supposed to visit and I had to get ready before guests start arriving. Relatives and puja, two troubles together, one trouble was not enough while the other was inevitable. Puja with relatives instantly flashes a scene in my mind as a car struck mid-way in traffic, no way to move, smoke and dust coming from all the directions and horns honking. No escape until you are about to faint. Believe me the same happened when everyone arrived, rooms were jam-packed and nowhere to sit. Outside it was the sun which was showing its brilliance, challenging everyone and teasing “I know what you did last summer”. Damn, even worse were the fumes of oil coming from the kitchen, I guess it was pooris. There was no escape and I had nothing else to do rather than listening to ear-piercing gossips or to get into deep thoughts. I chose the latter. I got nostalgic and was thinking about Q, imagining how things were in Q’s presence.
Pundit has already started his chants and kids playing various games in the background on the score of desert coolers. I don’t think I need to describe the time period in which puja and other rituals took place, a glimpse of students sitting inside a classroom where history is being taught is sufficient to describe the scenario. The worst part isn’t over yet, it created a mini stampede (I would rather call it as stamp-feet), when the pundit called everyone for “havan”. The oil-fumes from pooris were not enough I guess. The smoke from havan filled the room making everyone cough; I’m still doubt how a mist of carbon and its dangerous compounds can be considered sacred. Finally, it was the time for “Aarti”, all the ladies sang a hymn, gents tried to sing while children confused whom to imitate, all ended up in an ultimate chaos. At the end of all the discomfort I had, it was the first time I committed myself to god. I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love. Anyways, all is well what ends well. A thought prevailed “Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?”. Whatever, it was time for lunch, the moment not only me but, everyone were waiting since morning. I ate with a bunch of people but, still alone; Q was missing.
Although tired, I felt bit relieved and relaxed after I had delicious and heavy supper. Time passed by and clock ticked 3 pm. I had already procrastinated printing my tickets and had to finish off my packing as well. I went to a cyber café nearby to get the prints and what I saw was an utter disbelief to my eyes. The departure time of train was 11:30 am instead of 11:30 pm. I was dumbstruck at that moment and literally blank faced for a minute. I gathered courage to accept the fact that it was the biggest blunder I had ever committed but, laughed at myself like anything. But, the shock wasn’t over. How the hell can I tell this at home when every relative near and distant was present? Apart from all the gags, I knew it will spoil my image and would bring a big Q mark on my common sense or whatever it may be; proper sense perhaps. I don’t know what sense it is but, definitely I flushed it that morning. Wait a minute; is it Q who made me absent-minded? I wondered why it’s trying to dominate my life. Infact Q was already controlling my life. I will never get convinced that God does not play dice. I believe God is a sadist.
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